I continue to struggle with the 'doing/being balance of walking with Jesus. Certainly part of this struggle comes with this specific season for me--short in a whole lifetime--of inactivity. But there's a more long-lasting issue of not being bent toward giving myself to the poor, the needy, the lost. I confess to NOT having a burden for the lost. Not like many others I know who make it their life's aim to meet the needs, both spiritual and physical, of the poor and needy in this world. Over the years, I've realized that much of the time, the burden in me is for the lost within the organized church. Those clothed in the right garments of the religious lost who are much harder to reach for the very fact that they cannot see their own lostness. The most needy in this world realize their need and are steps away from the Kingdom because of it. Those who populate the pews of many churches in this world can't imagine they're anything but 'good.' I've sat in committee meetings, congregational meetings, fellowship halls and listened to people who don't seem to know Jesus, haven't a real clue of who He is, what He's done. This is a heavy burden to me. How can we fulfill our purpose in the world if we aren't even saved ourselves. You know the people I'm talking about--they talk at length about what's wrong with church, how it isn't meeting their needs, why they don't like certain things. But ask them about Jesus and they have very little to say. It's almost like He's beside the point.
And I sometimes want to ask why they are members of the church. Don't they realize that this is a scandalous thing we do when we gather together? We're presumptuous enough to believe that our worship--our little songs, our old hymns, our handling of the Word and our taking of the bread and wine--invites GOD to join us. Assumes that the ONE who created heaven and earth and everything between is present among us. What a risky thing that is--to invite God Almighty to enter into a space where we sinful, failing humans stand. Why aren't we all tumbled to our faces at the thought? How can anyone--any Son fo Adam or Daughter of Eve--stand and critique such moments? Why, to even be able to put two coherent sentences together is pretty surprising--if God is really there. If He really is...as I think He is, as He promises to be when we gather.
I think if those who don't know Him actually got it, actually thought for one moment that such is the reality, they'd run for their lives...or would fall on their faces, singing holy. When I think about it so, I can't bear, I really can't bear, that people don't know Jesus. That they do this amazing thing--worshipping the Living God--without knowing Him. It just breaks my heart that He does enter in, that He dips low to earth every time we sing and pray and read and listen to His Word, and people miss the Holiness of the thing. So I sit in my seat and pray for showers--not just sprinkles--of the Holy Spirit to rain down on us, to open the eyes of the blind. I reach out my hand toward those who are hard of hearing and pray. This is my action in this inactive moment in my life. The most active thing I do. Come, Lord Jesus, come.