Friday, November 20, 2009

Tears

Tears.  I'm not a fan of them.  For one thing, they tend to give me headaches.  Though they also make my eyes look even more green than usual.  I think it's the red streaks across the whites that do it.  Anyway, it's apart from the green, it's really not a good look on me.  And considering how much I care about my appearance it's an important consideration.  I know you'd all agree if you saw me in my current get-up.  Silk undershirt with an extra large button down shirt over it, and no pants.  Yup, sitting here in the family room with the whole clan in only my underwear.  See, I put out my back today, and after my shower, couldn't manage to pull up my pants.  It's a window into what old-age will be like.  See, I really am the picture of fashion.

But tears.  Now I have friends (of both sexes, actually), who tear up at commercials.  Well, to be honest, those Humane Society Ads with the heartwrenching music and mournful dogs in chainlink kennels put a major lump in my throat. But I really don't cry easily.  I mean, in comparison to many women I know. And neither of my daughters like crying anymore than I do.  After a certain age, every time E teared up, she claimed she was "just really tired."  This still makes me chuckle thinking about it.  And me?  I like to do my real sobbing in the shower where I can make noise, let my face run, and still come out clear-eyed and clean...albeit with a throbbing head!  And trust me, I've spent a whole lot of time in the shower in my life.  And not just because I have to wash my hair.  Just this week, I've stood under the rainhead shower head, and didn't touch the shampoo. 

I'm thinking of this because people keep asking me how Beve is doing.  And he's okay.  Beve makes me look like a veritable fountain of tears.  He cried when his mom died, but while feeling sad, tears don't come easily.  He keeps saying he'll be a mess at Glo's memorial.  Maybe.  I will be, that's for sure.  And even E won't claim to just be tired that day.

What comforts, though, is something my older brother reminded me of the other day...that we know God cares about our pain because Jesus wept with Mary when Lazarus was in the grave.  Just five minutes before Lazarus walked out of that tomb at Jesus' call, Jesus was sitting with Mary, crying. Even knowing what was ahead, He was so present with her in her reality that he mourned with her.  God is always above our chronology.  He always knows our past, present and future at once.  But within His great love for us, is His ever present compassion.  Not only does He understand when we mourn Glo, He mourns with us. At the very same moment He's calling her to Him.  Welcoming her home. 

Our tears aren't hard for Him to bear.  We don't need to hide them from Him, ask Him to excuse us, shake them off, feel ashamed of them.  He's okay with tears.  You know, we don't have a record of Jesus laughing with His friends.  I guess we didn't need that picture.  We get that He laughed, even if we don't see it, because laughter seems inherent in the joy-filled, God-filled life.  But that He cried--we need this.  We need to know that in our darkest hours He is present, mixing His tears with ours.

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