Sunday, March 7, 2010

Double-checking

Had a quick trip to the eastern crease of our state.  Ate a whole lot.  I mean a lot.  I have a niece getting married in June and her sister put on the first bridal shower for her, a family shower, and served more food than family, which is saying a lot.  Yep, practically every person in that room was related to the bride one way or another, one side or another, and we really didn't need the introductions our hostess-with-the-mostest insisted on (mostly to put her younger sister on the spot, if you ask me).  I've sat at more functions with those women than my own friends, including a baby shower for this same niece, held in this same house, just down the gravel road for my sister's home, a gravel road bearing the name of her husband's family--and his father's family, which goes back four generations on this road.

Yes, I'm shirt-tail relatives with every one of the women at that wedding shower, even the ones who are simply my sister's sisters' of the heart.  I've heard their stories, often from my sister, sometimes from them.  And they know me exactly the same way.  They know my children too.  My daughters were also at this shower.  My beautiful grown-up daughters will both be in this wedding, because they are cousins and sisters-of-the-heart of my sister's daughter.  And I like that.  I like that these girls so like each other.  So love each other. My daughters are in the center of this photo, the bride to be, prophetically, the one in white, her older, married sister, the one in purple.  Don't these girls look like they could all be sisters?  I think so.  E's sitting on LAR and SER-B's legs, that's what makes her so up-front and personal.  SK's standing behind them.


The bride, LAR, told me Friday night that there were 99 days left until her wedding day.  97 today.  Counting them off.  We spent last night and this morning putting together wedding invitations.  I was the glue.  Only after I failed at ribbon threading and ribbon cutting.  Not to mention stuffing.  When one of the girls called my sister crafty, I said, "I guess that makes me sly, then."  Because crafty I apparently am not.  But gluing?  How hard is that?  The gluing job I had actually revealed something fairly profound to me, though.

I really am a little bit Obsessive Compulsive.  After making a single mistake, and gluing one invitation incorrectly, I double-checked every other invitations.  I laid them down the right way, but before I actually stuck them together, I checked again.  I just didn't trust what I had already done.  I had to make sure before it was too late to be fixed.  And later this afternoon, as we were driving across the state, I was thinking about this.  The girls teased me about this double checking OCD behavior of mine--"What, do you think it's going to rise up and turn itself around?"  But I think at times I really do think this.  No necessarily about inanimate objects, but about what God has promised me.  I have to keep double-checking.  Asking for more confirmations that what He says is true, really is true, that what He promised, He continues to promise.

I don't take Him at His word.  That's it.  What I'm saying is that I don't trust God to be God.  This is because, I suppose, I have a different timeline than He does, because I want instant results.  I plant that wheat in the field, then walk back out to that field the very next day, because, dang it, God told me to plant it, after all, so doesn't that mean He's going to bring about a harvest of wheat? 

But no farmer would be that stupid, would he?  No one who works with the land would expect it to take merely a day.  She would know to trust in the season, to allow the ground, weather, nature, God to do its work.  So why do I do differently?  Why do I pray tonight, and demand God supersede the order He put into place, and answer me tomorrow.  He could.  He could speed up the seasons, weather, the seeds, ground.  He did with the grapes and water that became wine at Jesus' word at a wedding.  He slowed down weather and water at Jesus' command on a stormy sea when the disciples were panicking.  He over-rode the natural order when a few fish fed plenty, and a few loaves multiplied enough to make into leftovers.  But most of the time--even as Jesus Himself walked along those dusty roads and got dusty and tired and had to sleep in rocking boats--He stays purposely within the order He set up at creation.  And there's no less miracle in that.  So I should pray with that in mind, pray, trusting in that, trusting that He will work whichever way will most glorify Himself and His Kingdom.  Pray without ceasing, yes.  But double-checking God isn't the same thing.  And of that, Lord, I repent.

No comments: