Thursday, May 20, 2010

Convolution

Was awakened by a phone call at the crack of dawn this morning.  I won't really tell you what time it was, you'd be jealous.  But in my world, it was the crack of dawn, the very moment when the first sliver of sun (well, sliver of cloud) was inching its way over the horizon...or between my two eye-lids.  My voice was still gravelly, or phlemy, if you want to get technical (I get that, thank you very much--which I don't--from my dad!).  It was Grampie.  Grampie calls me every day.  Well, several times every day, actually.  But this last week, while Thyrza's daughter has been here, I've been on vacation (or respite care, I think they call it) so I haven't heard from him.  S and J left yesterday.  Hence the phone call.

It was a rather convoluted call, for all its brevity. By its conclusion, I had the impression his need would be accomplished by taking the shuttle from his retirement complex.  However, not ten minutes later, Thyrza called me and said, "Grampie says you're going to be out and about today."  Not that I knew of, actually.  "So when you take him to Michaels," she went on to say. "Could we also go to Macys?" 

Wow, I hadn't even thought I was getting out of my pajamas today, and now I'm certain to be off for a five-hour errand run.   It's not a big deal to me to take them to Michaels and Macys.  Glad to do it, as I told her.  But in a nutshell, that's how things work, when one deals with dementia. A three-minute phone call, a space of ten minutes and the information gets completely distorted.
 
Then it hit me that we do this all the time with people, we're just a whole lot more sophisticated about it.  We listen to what they say, then we somehow turn it around in our brains so it makes sense in our consciousness, and not only sense, but advantage.  Spin, public relations folks call it.  Wagging the dog, is a more caustic was to say it. 

Still, I have to wonder: How many times do we take what God says warp it to work for us? We pray for something--something we really, really want.  Then we watch for signs.  Don't we?  Does this mean He's saying X? We ask ourselves.  Is that the answer we're seeking?  We watch and hope and look and twist.  And I wonder if perhaps we're always twisting and turning things to our advantage. Maybe, just maybe, it shouldn't be that hard.  Maybe--because He loves us, and is our Father, who surely wouldn't give His sons and daughters a snake when they ask for a fish--He will answer us directly.  Without guile.  In the clear way of God.  It's the enemy who likes to make things hidden and twisted.  Isn't it?  Convoluted and confusing.  God is orderly. 

Just sayin'...
Now I have to get going.  I have some errands to run.

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