I have to go find some tissue. It just makes me laugh.
People keep asking how I feel about my mom's dying. And here's what I tell them. I'm glad that Mom will be freed from this body and brain that have stopped serving her, and are now simply imprisoning her. I'm glad she'll walk again, think again, speak with clarity, and know without question that she is valuable in God's eyes. And I'm also glad that she is not dying unloved. There were years after my dad died when I worried that this might be the case...at least by me (I should not speak for anyone else). I prayed long and hard that I'd feel love for her before she died. And I do. I really, truly do. It isn't a love that has revised the past, that pretends our relationship was something other than it was. She was difficult, I wasn't understanding, and it was rough going for most of my life. However, what I prayed--that I could love her--God answered. And for that I am exceedingly grateful. So what the grieving will look like I do not know. I pray the idea of pentimento will be the case here, where the earlier images will come through these last years, but the brush strokes of love that God's given me will cover all the conflict.
And that pentimento--earlier images painted over by this new, late love for my mother--will last.