Thursday, August 11, 2011

Stuff and nonsense

Our deck is finished.  That's one thing.  Have I mentioned that this is a project three years in the making?  It's how we do things around here.  On the upside, it's ridiculously wonderful.  Beve and his cohort-in-construction put in lights on the wide steps that span three sides while the daughters and I were in Seattle the other day.  I expected three little lights that would help us if we had to go out and yell at the dogs for barking in the middle of the night.  But NO, in true Giant fashion, where everything is bigger, there are 16 little lights. I'm telling you, it looks like the decking around a pool.  Really.  And that's exactly what we need, so that I wouldn't get a single, solitary thing from now until who knows when.  You call me up and I'd be out back sitting in the pool.  Just because I could. But it sure sounds nice, especially now that we have the perfect deck for it.

Our refrigerator has been freezing all our food.  Talk about inconvenient.  On one hand, we had to throw out all our lovely summer produce this morning--nothing like frozen lettuce and celery! One the other hand, all our leftovers should last a long time.  The repair man is coming this afternoon.  Not a moment too soon.  Unfortunately just as I'm at a doctor's appointment with Grampie, and Beve's at one with J.  Thankfully there are two adult daughters at home to fill in the gap.

Not for much longer, however. Said daughters got the exact apartment they wanted. and will be moving to Seattle in the next couple of weeks.  They were dancing their happy dance last night.  Now for the next things, you know, like jobs to pay for the apartment, school, food, etc.  Just the trivial things like that.  But life tends to go well for these daughters of ours.  So I'm pretty sure that before too long, they'll have the right doors open to jobs they both like.  And I'm glad of that for them.

On the other hand, J has another rather serious medical procedure this afternoon.  Somehow, the balance doesn't seem to tip toward him.  And if I was someone inclined toward the three letter word we all get to when we come to the end of our rope, I'd be asking it about now.  You know the one I mean, don't you? It's the one we ask when life just keeps knocking us down and doesn't seem fair, when we look around and see good things, even ordinary things happening to and for others, and the world and the universe and God who says He loves us doesn't seem to be in our corner. Why? J asks that single word question often enough, and I have to admit, I don't have an answer that sounds very satisfying even to my own ears.  My words sound like a whole lot of stuff and nonsense in the face of everything he faces on a daily basis.  God loves you, I tell him.  You're a very strong man.  You fight harder than anyone I know. But the battle is hard, he feels weak, and it's hard to feel that God loves him in the middle of this.  If I told you (which I will not) all that his battle is, you'd understand the difficulty as well.  But he keeps fighting, and I keep loving him, and asking God to love him as well.  And to--please God--tip the balance in his favor. Give him a break. Let something go his way. Even for a little while.

But how do I balance that prayer with my equally fervent desire--for each of these three young adults--that they become holy and righteous and pleasing to God, and used to extend His Kingdom?  I don't always know what it will take in a person's life.  I don't know by what means God will work His presence into a soul, but ultimately, that is my greatest desire for my children.  Not for them to be rich or successful or happy.  The earthly ambitions I have for them are few.  I don't care what professions they choose or where they choose to live (though I'm selfish enough to want it within visiting range, which I suppose means on this planet).  For them to serve the Lord--I want this. Above all else.  No matter what. 

The rest is all stuff and nonsense.

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