Friday, April 27, 2012
The ear of a disciple
E came home for a quick visit to cuddle with Maica, do some laundry and generally just be for a couple of days. That said, she's sleeping in the tiny room where, along with extra pillows, boxes of books, various other piles we've been shoving in there while sorting through another room, is the lawyer's bookcase which houses my journals. Interesting story about that lawyer's bookcase: it once belonged to a certain William Gates. No, not the one you're instantly thinking of, but his father. His father, who went to high school with Beve's dad, our beloved Grampie. Through its own journey, that bookcase made its way to our home and now holds my recorded history within it.
By the way, I began using these notebooks in 1977, because I wanted something easy to take with me when I transferred to (two) colleges in Eugene, Oregon. Before that, I'd always used three-ring binders. These lay flat (an advantage for a left-handed person!) and a whole lot of words can be written on a page (an advantage for a verbose person!). I have only been able to find this particular size at the Washington State student bookstore in my hometown (though I'm sure there are many other places to get them) so these days I have my sister but them in bulk and send them to me. At the moment I'm down to my last three spare, so will need a new shipment in the next year.
Ok, enough preface...
Anyway. I ended up with a journal just a season after the INDIA one I wrote from two weeks ago, written in Holland, February 3, 1983 (morning):
"The Lord has given me the tongue of disciples,
That I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word.
He awakens me morning by morning
He awakens my ear to hear as a disciple."
The tongue of a disciple
To hear as a disciple
These are the desires of my heart: to be a disciple, to hear and speak as a disciple, to be able to sustain the weary. With one word. That's pretty strong. ONE WORD. Not a wealth of advice or knowledge poured out, but one word. The word of a disciple.
I'm not very spiritual and sometimes I'm sure my immaturity hangs out like a slip too long for my dress...but I love the Father. I'll plod along, being challenged by those around me, learning from them, listening with the ear of a disciple. I do want to learn. Because I love Him. And my heart's desire is to 'sustain the weary' with whatever word He gives me. Please God.
If you could see me now. This word, this small section from my far away past is exactly the word--THE WORD--God needed me to hear this day. This season. It is my future self I was writing to that morning in Holland. I am the weary one who needs sustaining. You have no idea. And my young self (who doesn't sound so immature that her slip was showing) is having her prayer answered right this moment. Praise God. I am sustained--because I learned, I grew, I became and am still becoming, His disciple. No matter what it takes. And I remember this morning what I learned that morning. Yes, His very present Help is that He has been faithful all along. And will continue to be so. No matter what it looks like in the short term.
For other such words, from others who have found great hope and gifts in their journals, check out this LINK.