Apparently it's all things purple over at the Random Journal Day link-up. Check it out HERE.
Tonight my dive into my history led me back to 2005. It was the winter/spring before two of our children left home for college, so worries about financial aid loomed large. As did a host of other things, like leading our church's multi-generational mission trip, teaching adult Sunday school, speaking at a retreat, my mother's spiral into Alzheimer's, my novel, and the dissolution of a marriage of someone very close to my heart . But here's what I wrote that February night:
...these are things deeply burdening me at the moment. And they bear much in common. Nothing the eye can see, of course, but there is this: we (Beve and I) cannot solve any of them. We cannot 'fix' any problem. Not by will nor by might...it's ALL beyond my ability, my control, my humanity.
As Beve always says, "It's God's problem."
EXACTLY. That's it. The way I'm called to live is stretching out my hand in faith. Moses touched a staff to a rock and water poured forth because God was in it, solving a drought issue. He raised his arm and a sea divided because a transportation and chase catastrophe was upon the people. God was in that. Moses wasn't the one solving Israel's problems in the wilderness, he was just the man who kept going up the mountain to seek God's face. Then, his face a mere reflection, Moses came back down to the people to lift his arms and say, "This is what God says..." NOT 'this is what I think we should do.' He didn't make a single attempt to lead by solving his own or anyone else's issues. He knew those problems were beyond him. Overwhelming Up on the mountain, over and over, saying, "You, Lord, have always been faithful. You have to do it again. If Your presence doesn't go with us, we can't move! That's how much we need you."
Let me learn this lesson today, Lord. You have always been faithful. Over and over and over. You have to do it. You don't tease. I learned that once. Remind me again for my kids--for the finances for their college. You will provide. You know we can't solve this issue by ourselves.
"If your presence doesn't go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are please with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?" Exodus 33: 15-16