It's like the spring is coming. Yes, I realize it's still February, that much of the world has a down coat of snow on it. But I speak metaphorically here. And personally. But also, perhaps, you have lived through long winters yourself. Times when everything felt a little darker, when the road to the Godhead felt treacherous and almost not worth stepping out for it. Or when your life was a white-out blizzard of crises. Maybe even an avalanche. And it was all you could do to hold on, keep breathing and trust that He had not forsaken.
Trust in His sovereignty.
Yes, just that, trust in His sovereignty and hope for spring.
Spring does come.
Gently at first, before I saw the first signs, He was softening the ground of in me. Don't ask me how, I can't quite say. I just know that my devotional life had the weight of winter in it for a long season. Trudging through it, trying to pray through the white clouds (oddly so much denser than dark rain clouds). Continuing, by faith, because 'You are God...and You are God...and You are God.' I repeated these words in the snow. Maybe they were the Holy Spirit's prayer within me, speaking to me. And maybe those very words melted the snow and softened the earth.
Now I know it's early spring. The difference is palpable.
And I know what He used. Who, I should say. Some very important conversations with a few very important people in my life, conversations in which my frozen soul was laid bare. And what stared back at me in the eyes of my loved ones was His love for me. His acceptance, understanding. He is here and has been here all along. Not only that, but He made me as I am, not unfitted for anything, but exactly, precisely His instrument--this way, this broken body, this quiet life. Indeed, THIS is His call on my life for this time. This is the ministry He asks. Not larger, not more 'important,' as the world (or even the church) might see it. This.
The other day I wrote about making sure we're doing something that we're called to do. However, He reminded me through these conversations (with Beve in particular) that "whatever you do in word or deed, do all to the glory of God in Christ Jesus." To paraphrase my paraphrase, where you work is your ministry. It is where He calls you to be His ambassador. And if, like me, He has set you, broken, on a couch, that, too, can be/should be/is where He uses you.
If you let Hm.
Yes, spring comes.
And I awake to see it. To see Him alive and fresh.