It's been a hard week, pain-wise. I'm reminded, again, that my body is weak, and that I am not in control. These are good lessons for me. For all of us, don't you think? We like to be in control, we humans. But when the smallest things--things most of you probably won't consider until you're in your 80s--are outside your control, it's a revelation. Like the idea that a leg will hold when you rise from a chair. Or that your neck will support your head. Or any one of a thousand things that your body, made of bone and muscle and nerve and tendon, was built to do. Built by God to do, I should say.
But because we live on this earth, this fallen, broken planet, some of us get broken bodies. It's not because I did anything worse than anyone else. Nor because I did anything better, I might add. It's just because I live here. And God allows such things. And uses such things. In my case, He has used and used and used the brokenness to make me whole. So who am I to question that? In fact, I've been awed by who He's making of me in this brokenness.
But sometimes--I tell the truth--it's a real drag. A REAL DRAG. As in dragging through the day, barely able to function, wishing for my bed every minute where pillows can...well, pillow the screaming parts of this weak shell in which a not-weak soul lives. With Paul, "I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, in plenty and in want..." but sometimes that want means lying in my bed, asking God for His strength to live through my weak body. Sometimes, as I'm lying there, I imagine the great, glorious day when I'll be a doorkeeper in His throne-room, face to face with Him. And all the pain will be gone. And another Philippians verse comes to mind, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Yes, I believe this. Totally.
So I came to this beautiful quote in my devotional (Celtic Daily Prayer) the other day, and it's stayed with me. Haunted me, I suppose you could say, the way Christ haunts us when He intends us to hear Him.
"See the Quarry: Earth!
Christian, there is but one place you will
ever learn to follow Him, to worship Him,
to obey Him, to love Him.
Only one place, one time...to love Him.
Only one opportunity to be changed into
The place is there...the time...
your 70 years."