Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Above my pay-grade

She might not like what I'm about to tell you, but my oldest was a bossy child. Bossy at two when she'd tell me, "Baby crying, get him." Bossy at four when she had two siblings to tend and she wanted all of us to be organized. Bossy once she started school and wanted all the other kids to follow the rules, do the right thing and stay in straight lines.

She was just so sure she knew what was best for them. Knew how to handle every situation. She fretted about her brother when they sat at their little table with coloring books open and he took crayons and scribbled all over the page, and about her sister because she liked doing her own drawings--even on the pages where the lines were clear and black. And she told them exactly how they were supposed to be acting in every situation. Yep, I spent half her childhood telling her, "Let me be the mother!"

I thought of this before I got out of be this morning because I was fretting praying about all kinds of things. If truth be told (which it will, of course, making that a very strange idiom!), I was simply telling God what He needed to do about each of my concerns. I was, in fact, bossing Him around. Yes, even Him. "Don't you see it?" I ask, as though He doesn't see all. "You've got to do it this way, in this time." And not because it's His will but simply because I want things organized to my satisfaction or am tired of waiting...

"Let me be God,"
I heard these words very clearly. As clearly as the words I used to say to E. I was the mother and knew what was best. With her 4 or 6 year old mind, she couldn't possibly see or know or understand. And it wasn't her job. Her place. It was above her pay-grade, so to speak. But it wasn't above mine. It was my job.

"Let me be God."
He is God. Obviously. So I must let Him BE God in my life and in the lives of those for whom I pray. So I can ask Him, but it's His job to act. It's above my pay-grade to tell Him how to do so. Yes, it's His job to BE God. It's His BEing God that means I can trust Him when I pray, trust that He will act for the best. In any and every situation. Whatever my worries, or my hopes and dreams, it's up to Him. There is not only safety but joy in that.

Amazingly, my year's verse has been Psalm 131: 1-2 (which was in my devotional again yesterday by no fluke at all!!!), which reminds me of exactly the same thing.

My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
 or things too wonderful for me
But I have calmed myself 
and quieted my ambitions.
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.


Recovering Church Lady said...

Love this post! My prayers go that way too often. I find myself backing up and re-praying as i give stuff to Him instead of telling Him how to fix it. Sheesh, we are funny people aren't we?
great words here my friend!

Pamela M. Steiner said...

Oh wow! I needed that one! Good way to look at the way I tend to tell God what I think He should be doing about such and such and so and so...yes, it IS above my pay-grade! Let God be God...He KNOWS what is best for ALL concerned. Thank you for this reminder today!!!!

jeskmom said...

Isn't it amazing that the most profound truths are the most obvious ones? Thanks, friends, for your encouragement.