Wednesday, February 19, 2014

One bite at a time

I haven't posted in a while. I meant to post some pictures of Presidents' weekend, spent in the Emerald City with my extended family, which has become a tradition for us. But the truth is, it wasn't a great time for me. I wasn't my best self, you see. I'd like to blame it on pain or disability as I blame a whole lot of things these days, but mostly it was because I was just living a whole lot in my own brain, and took things too personally when they were meant with my best in mind. I hate that I do that. I hate that I'm still--this far along in the faith--so replete with ME that I'm like a small child and cannot see beyond my own nose to others' points of view.

And other things were happening right around me that were tearing me apart. These are not my stories to tell, but they were enough to keep me sleepless and tired through out the weekend. Even I, who lives in solitude so much of the time, don't REALLY live alone. I have a community of family and friends whose pain and sorrows hits hard and sends me to my knees, and makes me long to do more than is possible. I spend a long time over the weekend talking with one who has more on her plate than she can manage, more than she ever expected, and it hurts. I don't know how to help her except to pray, but that I do, and do, over and over, even in my sleep, so it seems.

But sometimes the enormity of it all makes me mute. You know? It's just so much--the pain in this world. But I think of that old saying, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." So that's how I pray: one thing at a time. I pray for the things that are presented to me, bit by bit, and trust the God who is Enormous, who hears EVERY prayer (not just mine) to do what is right and best and good.

And so I am thankful. He is right and best and good.
That's enough for this day.

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